“May I kill him?”

Yes. Please. Kill him. Do whatever you want. Do whatever it is that makes your performance utterly FREAKING mesmerizing. I am in awe of you Rooney Mara and can’t wait to see what your resume looks like in 20 years.

From Jeff Cronenweth getting his moody lighting on to Trent Reznor and Karen O ripping through Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song”, this teaser for David Fincher’s American remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is right around one of the coolest things I’ve EVER seen.

Reports say this is a leaked trailer bootlegged from a U.K. theater, hence the shaky camera. But, the trailer is preceded by an MPAA logo, leading me to believe it could be part of some kind of viral marketing campaign from Sony. Perhaps it’s the work of Lisbeth Salander herself. Bwhahaha!

Okay, Rooney. Now I’m convinced. Plus, I semi take back all those mean things I said about you circa the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. Though your performance there was pretty bland, you’re not a bland actress. You ruled in The Social Network, as well as the little-seen Dare, and you deserve to usurp the stellar Noomi Rapace’s throne. I’m sure Fincher, with all his 90-something takes, will send you out on the star-studded path you deserve.

It’s taken me a while to fully process Platinum Dunes’ remake of Wes Craven’s classic slasher, A Nightmare on Elm Street. Visually, it is one of the most technically competent horror films I’ve seen in a while. Every frame is both beautifully lit and sadistically art-directed. The make-up effects, though few and fairly far between, are tasteful and effective, especially during a certain “floaty-slashy” bedroom bloodbath. Still, I can’t help but feel the same emptiness that comes with too many films of the genre lately.

To wit, there is no fucking character development. This is considerably bad given the fact that there are, basically, five main characters throughout the run of the movie. It’s almost laughable when will-be heroine Nancy (Rooney Mara, the most monotone fucking actress I’ve ever had to experience) says to her would-be boyfriend Quentin (Kyle Gallner, man-crush of my actors-I-hope-to-direct dreams) towards film’s end, “You may not have noticed, but I don’t really fit in.” Really? I had no idea, Nancy, given the fact that all you’ve done this whole time is draw with charcoal and…well, that’s about it. Even Jackie Earle Haley, the man with the bladed glove himself, though pretty good, only has so much to work with.

The script, framed by Wesley Strick and fleshed out by Eric Heisserer, is a muddled, but not dramatically so, collection of really cool ideas that don’t really reach their full potential. Krueger’s innocence is explored, but dead-ends. The concept of “micronaps” is introduced but merely results in cheap scares. Even the dream sequences themselves are rather bland (Oh look, Freddy’s chasin’ ‘em through the boiler room…again). Also, the pacing is way too quick (3 characters die in the first half-hour. Really?) and the visual effects suck ass (Freddy’s face protruding through wallpaper? Yawn.)

Even with all my bitching and moaning about the little things, I can’t wait to see it again. It’s a tightly-wound thriller that looks amazing and is best served big and loud.