You mean my current man crush and current lady crush are starring in a movie together AND it’s about the ups and downs of an indie/punk band? Sign me up!

Trailer for Losers Take All, starring Kyle Gallner and Allison Scagliotti.

Yeah. Kevin Smith directed this… No, seriously, dude.

When I first heard my long-time idol Kevin Smith was delving into the horror genre for his next flick, I was instantly ecstatic, but admittedly skeptical that it would actually qualify as a true-blue “Horror” film. After viewing the short but oh-so sweet teaser trailer above, I can rest assured. This film looks lean & mean and down & dirty, a 90 minute collection of visuals and ideas sure-fired to eff you up for quite some time.

Needless to say, I can’t wait.

It’s taken me a while to fully process Platinum Dunes’ remake of Wes Craven’s classic slasher, A Nightmare on Elm Street. Visually, it is one of the most technically competent horror films I’ve seen in a while. Every frame is both beautifully lit and sadistically art-directed. The make-up effects, though few and fairly far between, are tasteful and effective, especially during a certain “floaty-slashy” bedroom bloodbath. Still, I can’t help but feel the same emptiness that comes with too many films of the genre lately.

To wit, there is no fucking character development. This is considerably bad given the fact that there are, basically, five main characters throughout the run of the movie. It’s almost laughable when will-be heroine Nancy (Rooney Mara, the most monotone fucking actress I’ve ever had to experience) says to her would-be boyfriend Quentin (Kyle Gallner, man-crush of my actors-I-hope-to-direct dreams) towards film’s end, “You may not have noticed, but I don’t really fit in.” Really? I had no idea, Nancy, given the fact that all you’ve done this whole time is draw with charcoal and…well, that’s about it. Even Jackie Earle Haley, the man with the bladed glove himself, though pretty good, only has so much to work with.

The script, framed by Wesley Strick and fleshed out by Eric Heisserer, is a muddled, but not dramatically so, collection of really cool ideas that don’t really reach their full potential. Krueger’s innocence is explored, but dead-ends. The concept of “micronaps” is introduced but merely results in cheap scares. Even the dream sequences themselves are rather bland (Oh look, Freddy’s chasin’ ‘em through the boiler room…again). Also, the pacing is way too quick (3 characters die in the first half-hour. Really?) and the visual effects suck ass (Freddy’s face protruding through wallpaper? Yawn.)

Even with all my bitching and moaning about the little things, I can’t wait to see it again. It’s a tightly-wound thriller that looks amazing and is best served big and loud.

Call me obsessed (I already know I am, anyway), but I am literally counting down the days to my next horror movie fix this weekend. Saturday afternoon: Here I come!

Check out the latest trailer by clicking on the above poster. Only some subtle changes from the last one, but much more effective, if you ask me. I know I’m gonna be way too critical and judge the hell out of this movie, but it’s gonna be fun, nonetheless.

Go figure! A trailer for a horror movie that actually makes a seasoned horror-film viewer jump out of their seat. As skeptical as I have been about this film, I can’t deny how excited I am by what I see here. The visuals are amazing and shit looks beautifully brutal, just the way I like it. Jackie Earle Haley is still rockin’ in true sadistic form and Kyle Gallner - claiming Johnny Depp’s throne - seems to be holding his own. April 30th can’t come soon enough.